Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
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