maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
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