hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
