There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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