why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
