just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Randomize
