I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
