my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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