Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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