I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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