Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
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