Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize