I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Randomize
