I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
