i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
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