That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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