I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
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