I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
