i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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