I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
bring money and cleavage
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Randomize
