Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
