that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
