I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
