weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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