i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
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