Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
