That's intense
There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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