that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
