woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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