you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
