so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
