I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
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