when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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