There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
