You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
