You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
