JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
Randomize
