That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
