it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
