I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
