he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
