dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Randomize
