you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
