don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize