i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
