1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
