God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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