Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
