no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
