Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Randomize
