He is an equal opportunity slut.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
