I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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