I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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