i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Randomize
