my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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