I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
