a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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