my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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