absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
Randomize
