That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
