He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
