I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
bring money and cleavage
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Randomize
