Screwed.edu
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
As I was leaving the drunk tank the cop told me he had a feeling we would be meeting again real soon.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
