when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
