i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
