margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize