i jhust puked up my retainher.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
