i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
