Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
