hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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