I think i peed on brittanys purse
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
