so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I FOUND THE LEGS
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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